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Finer Femininity – Joyful, Catholic

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Category Archives: by Leane Vdp

I Give Up!

31 Thursday Jan 2019

Posted by Leanevdp in by Leane Vdp, Loving Wife

≈ 9 Comments

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Disclaimer   🙂

Marriage is difficult. The daily irritations that rub, like sandpaper, can cause wounds that make it hard to love and respect the one whom you are called to do just that…..love and respect.

Oh sure, we’ve picked up the books. We’ve made a few changes here and there. Things seemed to get better, then something hits the fan, and we are right back where we started. Round and round it goes. We’re tired of it! We want to just throw up our hands and say, “I give up! I am going to just shut down, live my life and he can live his!” Continue reading →

Is Your Marriage All It’s Cracked Up to Be?

17 Thursday Jan 2019

Posted by Leanevdp in by Leane Vdp, Loving Wife, Marriage

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

catholic marriage

The last few months have been stressful around here. You probably have your own stresses you’re dealing with. And, with stress, comes the lack of ability to focus on what is important. We tend to let it all get to us and start taking it out on the people who mean the most to us.

It is important to step back and realize that our goal is to make the most out of each day….and one of the top things on our list is working on our relationship with our husband.

So….let’s get down to the basics and put our marriage back on the front burner!

Is Your Marriage All It’s Cracked Up to Be by Leane VanderPutten

Let’s face it, we do have a choice on how our life plays out. Sometimes we feel we are just spinning our wheels and making no progress. We become victims of circumstances and, instead of taking control of our emotions and the way we react, we flounder…and then lash out at those who seem to make our life more difficult. Believe me, this is not the way to live.

You see, we don’t marry Prince Charming and live happily ever after. We are humans and we have faults….many faults….Both of us, husband and wife. It takes consistent effort to make a good marriage. Every day, every hour, every minute, we need to be thinking the right thoughts, praying the right prayers, listening to the right people and doing the right things….

Although I am not a marriage guru, I have had many victories (among the failures), and, in my humble opinion, the right things that we need to be doing every day are:

1. Prayer….I struggle with prayer. I think we all do.  I do know that it has to be the foundation of everything else in our lives. As St. Francis de Sales says, “If you haven’t got prayer, you haven’t got anything.” Consistency is important. We don’t necessarily have to add more prayers, but we need to work on making our prayers more heartfelt, with less self-inflicted distractions. We DO need to be saying the Family Rosary. The Consecration to Our Lady, St. Louis de Montfort style, is very, very valuable, too.

2. Nipping those negative and critical thoughts in the bud before they become monsters. Okay, you have probably tried the other way…you know, letting those destructive thoughts soak up all your brain cells? So….how does that feel? Does it make you feel good? Does it build your relationship with your husband? Do you find that your kids act better while you are steaming about their father’s inadequacies?? Of course not! Hey, you had better put a brake on those thoughts! You have no idea what a downward spiral that can be and where it can lead to. NOT worth it!! Say a prayer, an ejaculation. Thank God for little things. Get interested in something. Don’t let the crazy, lousy thoughts take hold…..Make the effort. God will bless you for it. This is no small thing….those little thoughts can become huge problems!

2. Reading good books on changing your own attitude….not books on how he should be treating you. This is important. You might pick up a relationship book. It may have great points on having a wonderful relationship. In this book it deals with men and women’s responsibilities to each other for making their marriage better….All good stuff. The only thing is, when you are already fighting some stinkin’ thinkin’ about your husband, you DO NOT need to be reading what he needs to be doing.

Choose books that deal with YOU, the woman….with your attitude. There are some very good books out there….albeit mostly Protestant but some Catholic, too (look on My Book List). There are many good books on attitude changers, too. Find them. Dig them up.

I’ve said it before, you can only change yourself.  And you need changing….we all do! Roll up your sleeves and get to it! Too much is at stake here.

3. Talking to the right people…By the right people, I mean those who will help you to shift your attitude…..not those who enable you to wallow in your self-pity more than you already are.

When I was frustrated and feeling sorry for myself, I went to my mother. Not because she was my mother (that was a nice perk, though) but for a couple of reasons…I didn’t want to air out my problems to just anyone. I knew in my heart that this was something that I had to get through, that his faults were exactly that, just faults, and I had plenty of my own. I didn’t need just anyone knowing all I was feeling at the time….because all those feelings were just passing.

The other reason I chose my mom is that she always, gently, helped me to see just what I had for a husband. She helped me to realize I had a lot to be thankful for. And this is what I wanted in a mentor….Someone that would help me to turn my thinking around when it was slipping down a dark alley way. I came out of those talks (and I only resorted to this type of outlet when I just felt I couldn’t overcome the lousy thoughts myself) refreshed. I had vented. I realized how small these things really were and I was ready to give of myself once again.

Find a mentor like that. Pray for one. They are worth their weight in gold.

Don’t abuse it though. Most of the work is going to be done by you. But every once in a while you may need someone to talk to. MAKE SURE it’s someone who is all for you, your spouse and your marriage!

4. Kick that No-Good-For-Nothing Self-Pity right out the door and into the lagoon!

Self-pity is a killer! It is a pond of scum that swallows any good thoughts that try to poke their way out of the filth. Don’t give in to it!!

Look at your life….I know you can find so many things to be grateful for. Keep bringing those persistent negative thoughts back to a spirit of thankfulness! It doesn’t matter that you don’t feel it. God will bless your efforts.

The beginning quote of this article says that a good marriage, like anything worthwhile, takes EFFORT, WORK, PRAYER!! It is a top priority. It means everything to the success of your family life.

Self-pity will strangle you and your loved ones quicker and with more efficacy than anything I know of. It is a woman’s worst enemy and woe to those who wallow in it. Thankfulness overcomes self-pity. Pray to Our Lady for a Spirit of Gratefulness.

Life is a great adventure! Every suffering, every failure, every knock-down, if taken with the right attitude, will help us to grow. We will teach our children how to overcome their own difficulties….and they will have plenty…just as we do.

It is what life is about….the Royal Road of the Cross. And if we choose to get better, not bitter, so many blessings and joys will be sprinkled throughout. We need to have our eyes open to them. They are God’s gift to us as we struggle along our own, unique path of a Beautiful, Joyful, Catholic Woman!!

Mike and Jeanette and Agnes 2015-0020

Are your thoughts building a castle or a manure pile? It is vital to control the thoughts we have in our most important relationship…the one with our husband!

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“These diapers that are changed daily, these meals that are cooked again and again, these floors that are scrubbed today only to get dirty tomorrow — these are as truly prayer in a mother’s vocation as the watches and prayers of the religious are in theirs.” -Mary Reed Newland, How to Raise Good Catholic Children

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The Get Well Fund for Rosie will be up for a little while longer if any would like to help. Father VanderPutten, in Nigeria, will be saying a Triduum of Masses for those who donate. Thank you kindly and please remember Rosie in your prayers.

The page is here.

Gin’s aprons are amazing….as many of you know. They are well made with great-quality material. She puts love and care into each one and the detail is fabulous! She got wiped out during Christmas but is working on her inventory. You can take a peek here.

Make a statement with these lovely and graceful aprons. Aprons tell a beautiful story…..a story of love and sacrifice….of baking bread and mopping floors, of planting seeds and household chores. Sadly, many women have tossed the aprons aside and donned their business attire. Wear your apron with joy….it is a symbol of Femininity….”Finer” Femininity! 🌺 💗


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Is Your Faith First? My Personal Journey…

10 Thursday Jan 2019

Posted by Leanevdp in by Leane Vdp

≈ 7 Comments

A little throwback….

by Leane VanderPutten

Oftentimes in life we will need to make decisions. What will be the motivation behind those decisions? I think that it will depend on who we are hanging out with, what books we are reading and on our prayer life at the time. One day we will also realize how much the good turns in our lives had to do with the people who were praying for us.

Here’s a little story of some good decisions I made when I was foot loose and fancy free. Oftentimes I look back in gratitude because I realize it was simply a grace, one that I thankfully cooperated with, and that things could have SO went the other way.  I had the right information at the right time.

I was twenty-one and from all outward appearances, life was treating me good and I had it made! Looking pretty good, aren’t I?  😀 vintage-sunglasses-black

A young lady, in my blossoming prime, I was off to a good start on my “career” in the big city of Regina. Regina was the capital city of the Province of Saskatchewan in the middle of Canada. It had lots to offer….if you like the glamors of the big city…the good, the bad and the ugly.

I was a dedicated young lady working as head secretary of an office. I was 21, had full run of the office, called the shots and had the job of hiring and firing. I would say for someone my age it was a position that was indeed coveted.
I had started working there when I was 17 during the summers as a part time help to an elderly woman who had been working there for years. She decided to retire, and they asked me if I wanted the job! I jumped at it!

It was a job with much responsibility and I handled it well. I was able to buy myself a brand new car…a 1985 Mercury Cougar! It was pretty slick. I had an apartment of my own and the freedom to do what I wished.

A new computer program had been introduced and they were flying me to the United States! Anyone from Canada would look at that as a REAL opportunity! I was going to New Holland, Pennsylvania to take part in a computer seminar where an employee from each of the offices throughout North America was going to meet!

We were wined and dined while we were there. We ate seven course meals and shoo-fly pie. It was really neat to see the carriage-drawn Amish families and learn of their lifestyle. I rubbed shoulders with some of the big-wigs of the company, which was pretty interesting, too. It was all new, fascinating and heady.

I enjoyed the pampering and I was intent on learning this program as best I could.
I came back from that trip and began to incorporate the new program into our office. The boys in the back warehouse looked on me with a new respect.
I had a lot of things going for me.

In hindsight I can see now that I was one of the fortunate ones. I was fortunate because in my young life, I had struggled enough that I did not glory in all of this. It could have went straight to my head but instead there was an extreme empty ache.

I had  already had lots of obstacles. I grew up in an alcoholic home. It was not an abusive home but the influence of alcohol had wreaked its havoc and this had caused me to suffer. This suffering was good. Isn’t that the way? At the time, those things that are most painful, become our greatest gifts. Looking back, I am very grateful.

You know what they say, “Pain is Gain.” My gain is that it caused me to search for what life was really about. While everyone around me was falling into the sins of youth that would take them years to climb out of, if they ever did, I was searching.

The answers to life didn’t come easy. I knew that God was in the picture, I knew that He was the answer to man’s search for happiness but I didn’t know how to apply that.

I was born and raised a Catholic and I attended Mass. Unfortunately, things were pretty liberal in the Church at that time. I did not know about the True Presence of Christ in the Eucharist until well AFTER I graduated….thirteen years of Catholic school, rubbing shoulders with priests and nuns!

I remember, at this particular time, I talked to my sister-in-law’s mother. She was a woman I respected…a simple, warm-hearted housewife with a great love for her family.

I was wondering what I should do….where my search would take me? My closest friends were leaving the Church. Nothing was there for them.

There was an Alliance church down the way. The pastor was dynamic and animated and was drawing many of the youth to his side of the fence….yes, even my closest Catholic friends.

Then there were the ones who drifted over to the Pentecostal Church…..

Should I follow?

Mrs. Botelho, that dear Portuguese woman who prayed the rosary every day,  looked me in the eyes and, with a conviction that spoke volumes, said with her heavy accent, “Whatever you decide to do, Leane, don’t leave the Catholic Church.”

 I hung onto that.

In the meantime, immersed in  urban life mentality, surrounded by worldliness, I struggled.

It was at that time that, through my mom, I got a hold of some good old Catholic Books. You know, those ones you find at garage sales or church sales because they were obsolete.

They had their effect on me and I found out that truth is never obsolete. It is never-changing and eternal.

I read ones that especially pertained to motherhood and youth. Books like Clean Love in Courtship, The Catholic Youth’s Guide to Life and Love, The Catholic Marriage Manual, The Christian Home. They were my saving grace. They helped me to form a purpose for my life but I did not know how it would unfold.
One thing I knew for sure –  this career was not the life for me. I had decided what I wanted. I wanted to be a wife and mother. I wanted a large family. And I could see that the position I had, coveted as it seemed, was not getting me any closer to the goal I really wanted.

The books I was reading enhanced my restlessness. And it was a good restlessness.

I realized I had to make some changes. In spite of the rueful looks, shaking heads and bewildered relatives, I gave my two week notice, trained the next secretary that had been hired out of many, many resumes and ended up leaving that job.

It hurt me that I was a disappointment to many…..to my boss who had just flown me to the states for the new program. I was also a disappointment to many of my aunts and uncles. They could not understand why I was leaving such a position to go and pump gas in a small town for my mom and dad’s little business.

My friends already knew I was weird so it didn’t surprise them. 😀

I knew what I was doing. I didn’t know exactly where the path would direct me but it was the beginning for me of a journey that would lead me to work at a little Catholic shrine in North Dakota for a dear priest who taught me to love my Catholic faith. I consecrated myself to Our Lady there and I met my future husband.

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I have never regretted those decisions. “Seek first the kingdom of God and all these things shall be added unto you!”

The way was not mapped out for me in a letter from God. There was much of “self” involved in my decisions….many stumblings. We are human, after all. God works in spite of our humanness, as long as we are of good will. That is why I am indeed grateful where my path led me and that I was given the grace to say “yes” to Him.

He did not say it was going to be easy, but it is simple. There have been many bumps, many struggles and many, many joys!

What ever you give up for the sake of Him He will bless. And whatever you grab hold of, for the sake of Him, He will bless.

With eleven wonderful children, and (almost) sixteen grandchildren, I feel very blessed. They are all living close by and life is grandly busy, hectic and full of love.April 7, 2014 063-001April 7, 2014 064IMG_0458IMG_0538IMG_1875IMG_1863IMG_1496IMG_1030

So….if your heart is telling you to make some hard decisions for the sake of your faith, your future or your family, know that you will be paid back a hundredfold for it!

At the time it may not be apparent. You may get backlash from family and friends. It may seem like that black cloud is settling and not going to leave. But eventually the clouds dispel, and you can see where God has blessed you in many, many ways.

Do not be afraid to take the steps you need to take in order to keep your faith and your family first in your life! God is not outdone in generosity!

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Every morning, we may be tempted to put off our prayers until “later” or skip them altogether because we have much to do and action is where it is at. If we allow the devil to win in this very first struggle of the day, he will win many more of the battles throughout the day. Our Morning Prayers, whether they be said while nursing a baby or changing a diaper, need to be a priority and the very foundation of our daily life.

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Book Review…Around the Year with the Von Trapp Family

18 Tuesday Dec 2018

Posted by Leanevdp in Book Reviews, by Leane Vdp, Give-Aways

≈ 20 Comments

It’s here and reprinted!!! Celebrate the Feasts and Seasons with the Von Trapp Family!

This is one of my all-time favorite books, full of Catholic, old-fashioned goodness for the whole family! Do you want to inspire your children? Do you want to fill them with the beauty and charm of our Catholic heritage? Then give this book a read! It will serve to encourage and enlighten you as you and your family continue on your Faith-filled journey!

Just for you, Finer Femininity readers, Sophia Institute Press is giving a chance to purchase Around the Year with the Von Trapp Family at a great 25% discount…plus you will be supporting a wonderful Catholic publishing company! So….order yours now using this code at the checkout:

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“In this joyful and charming book, Maria von Trapp (from The Sound of Music) unveils for you the year-round Christian traditions she loved traditions that created for her large family a warm and inviting Catholic home and will do the same for yours.

Here are the songs they sang for feasts and holidays, as well as Maria s personal recipes for traditional holiday foods. Here are stories and games to delight your children, and countless other ways to turn events such as anniversaries, baptisms, graduations, birthdays, wedding receptions, and even funerals into feasts celebrated in the Lord.

Most people only know the young Maria from The Sound of Music; few realize that in subsequent years, as a pious wife and a seasoned Catholic mother, Maria gave herself unreservedly to keeping her family Catholic by observing in her home the many feasts of the Church s liturgical year, with poems and prayers, food and fun, and so much more!

With the help of Maria von Trapp, you, too, can provide Christian structure and vibrancy to your home. Soon your home will be a warm and loving place, an earthly reflection of our eternal home.”

Available here.

And now, the Winner of the Finer Femininity Giveaway is…..

Congratulations, Rose! I will send you an email.

Nothing attracts the children more than the Crib.This very attraction makes it imperative that they learn about it correctly. Care must be taken not to mix in with the gospel mystery any details which the child will later come to recognize as false. -Christ in the Home, Fr. Raoul Plus, S.J., 1950’s

Please, in your charity, continue your prayers for Rosie who is not doing too well…and for Margy who had emergency surgery and will be in the hospital for a few days. They would both appreciate your prayers….and I would, too! Thank you for all the kindness you have shown me by your prayerful support. It has meant so much! I include all of you in my prayers each day.

Last year at this time….

Margy

Rosie

This year…

Margy

Rosie

Are you blessed by this site? Consider donating today. Our benefactors are remembered in our daily, family rosaries….

 

 

My Little Thanksgiving Story….

21 Wednesday Nov 2018

Posted by Leanevdp in Attitude, by Leane Vdp, FF Tidbits, Seasons, Feast Days, etc.

≈ 21 Comments

A little update and prayers needed, please, before this repost of My Little Thanksgiving Story.

Please pray for our Rosie who continues to be very ill. She is still under the excellent care of the Benedictine Sisters in Gower, MO. They know their stuff…both medically and naturally so she is in good hands.

We went to bring her home but the Sisters offered to get more tests done….so that’s what we decided to do.

Their kindness, competence, patience and true Benedictine apostolic love has been astounding. We are so very grateful.

That being said, Rosie continues to worsen… Please keep us in your prayers. This mother’s heart is a worried one!

Taken a couple weeks ago. She is now bedridden. 🙁

My Little Thanksgiving Story….

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A repost for Throwback Thursday…..

Thanksgiving is almost here and it is always a good time to remember the many things we are grateful for! I have a couple of stories that happened in our life that shook me to the bottom of my toes but gave me so many reasons to be thankful!

Isn’t that the way? You don’t see it at the time, but, in hindsight, if we continue to “get better, not bitter”, we realize God’s goodness through it all!

2003 was our “Terrified-Going-Through-It” but “So-Thankful-For-Everything-in-Hindsight” year!

It was the middle of the night,  Epiphany 2003,  when we were awakened by the best and most efficient fire alarm ever….  three ear-piercing shrieks delivered by my 17 yr. old daughter!

It was 1 a.m. and Virginia was sleeping on the couch when our Christmas tree burst into flames – and I mean BURST!  The flames licked across the ceiling and melted the laundry room door that was on the other side of the house!  Within seconds the couch that my daughter was sleeping on exploded into flames!  Inside 30 seconds all thirteen of us were out of the house and shivering in the cold! It was a frightening experience watching hearth and home going up in flames!

The rock and block structure of our house (thanks to hubby) was ok, so four months later, after the dust settled, we were back in our home. We remembered the many things we were grateful for: the elderly gentleman who opened up his home in the middle of the night to 13 of us and let us stay there until we found somewhere to live, the incredible generosity of friends and neighbors, the support of our pastor and parish, just naming a few!

We were very grateful for what happened the next day.  You see, it had been a particularly rough winter financially.  When you are a construction contractor, you live on the edge, especially in the winter.  When the insurance handed us the $5,000 check to take care of our most immediate needs, it came in very handy!  With the rest of the forthcoming money we were able to rebuild the house and finish off some much needed bedrooms.

A few months later, July 23rd to be exact, on a hot and sultry afternoon,  I sent my daughter, Theresa, to go to the neighbor’s to get some sweet corn.  The road had just been recently graveled but she was a very careful driver and I knew I could trust her.  Jeanette, my 9 yr. old, asked if she could go, too.  So off they went.  An hour later I began to wonder where they were.  Being a worrier, I told myself that it was silly to worry.  I tried to put it out of my mind and I continued doing what I was doing.  I heard a knock at the door.  It was a man who said that I needed to call 911 because there had been a bad accident on the gravel road.  When I asked him what vehicle was involved and he said it was our blue van, I fell apart! I asked him if they were ok and he said, “Well, they’re still breathing.”  Yikes!!!

Within minutes, the emergency team, my husband, our priest and several other people were at the scene of the accident. It was every mother’s nightmare and I was a wreck!  Theresa had to be life starred to Topeka and Jeanette was put in Intensive Care in Kansas City.  She didn’t come to until 3 days later. I think the worst thing out of this ordeal was knowing that my girls were in the ditch for an hour, with Theresa trying to crawl to the road, fainting in and out of consciousness, and Jeanette pinned under the van…while I was sitting at home telling myself not to worry. 🙁

Looking back, we again were able to find SO many things we were thankful for. For example:  when Theresa was losing control and veering off the road she hit a sign!  This pushed her forward several yards where she ended up rolling the van.  If she didn’t hit that sign she would’ve went over the bridge and landed into the dry creek bed that was several feet down!  That would not have been good.

Once again, the generosity of friends and neighbors was incredible.  Within hours, someone had lent us their vehicle and gifts of all kind came pouring in.  Meals were made for us for the next several days to ease the burden. Most especially, there were no lasting effects…Theresa has a titanium rod in her leg. We tell Jeanette that she was lucky to get away with just slight brain damage which makes her fit right in with the rest of us. 🙂Christmass 08 020Devin 118

Those were a couple of the big things that reminds us of what we have to be grateful for.  You probably have some of your own “big things” that has helped you to grow in love, patience and thankfulness.

But there are many, many more little things that happen in every day life that we can be thankful for.  A good cup of tea or coffee?  A homemade apple pie?  A good movie?  A stranger’s smile?  A friend who cares?  In this time of hard economics, just having a job is something to be thankful for.  I’m grateful for the beautiful fall we have had.  I grew up in Canada and at this time of year winter is getting its tight grip on each day.

Thanksgiving is a great time to remember those big and little things that each of us has to be grateful for.  It’s also a good time to be thankful for the adversities in our lives because they have helped us to grow and to have compassion on others who are going through rough times.

Cicero once said, “A grateful heart is not only the greatest virtue, but the parent of all the other virtues.”

I read these words from a very wise woman: ” Learn to enjoy life.  Be thankful.  Smile.  When you catch yourself becoming irritated or disturbed at circumstances, stop and laugh at the little things that steal your peace.  Count your blessings and learn to be appreciative.”index

If we remember to always count our blessings then Thanksgiving can be transformed into “Thanks living”.  Not just the holiday but each and every day!Colin's pre-wedding 091

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“No other work that God gives any of us to do is so important, so sacred, so far reaching in its influence, so delicate and easily marred—as our home-making. This is the work of all our life—that is most divine. The carpenter works in wood, the mason works in stone, the smith works in iron, the artist works on canvas—but the homemaker works on immortal lives. Whatever else we slight, let it never be our home-making. If we do nothing else well in this world, let us at least build well within our own doors.” – J.R. Miller

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My Little Story About Attitude…and An Update

08 Thursday Nov 2018

Posted by Leanevdp in Attitude, by Leane Vdp

≈ 20 Comments

Hubby with the grandkids…

Vincent leads a Junior Legion of Mary in our home for the grandchildren…

As it gets close to Thanksgiving, I like to post this little story about Attitude. It is important to remember that no matter what we are going through, we have control over our thought processes.

It isn’t easy at times, it can be a fight just to remain above water, but when we cry out to God for help, let us also thank Him for all we go through because He WILL come. And He will help us to have a proper attitude through it all.

And when it comes to just the little things in life that bug us, let us remain cheerful. These are such sweet offerings we can give back to Our Lord who has given so much to us!

And now an update….

I would like to give you an update on a couple of things I have asked you to pray about…

I have gone for tests about my health, and….. they have found nothing wrong! So, even though it is perplexing…I take it as a great gift and an answer to prayer…thank you!

A little more perplexing is our dear Rosie who entered the convent about a month ago. Rosie has struggled with her health through the years but had been stable for quite some time before she entered the convent.

After she entered, she quickly spiraled downhill health-wise. The Benedictine nuns were overwhelmingly supportive and worked with her. But it became evident to Mother, after some serious symptoms that even made a run to the emergency room a necessity…that Rosie needed to come home.

So…we are picking her up today. Please continue to keep our Rosie in your prayers.

Rosie smiling through the convent window. 🙂

And now, My Little Story About Attitude

Life is 90% attitude and 10% circumstance.    I like this saying.  I use it on my children when they are giving into their “stinkin’ thinkin”!  If it was my quote I would change it a little. Life is 90 percent attitude, coupled with faith, and 10 percent circumstances.  We DO have choices on how we react to what life is dishing out!

I am very grateful that I have had some people in my life that have made a powerful impact on me because of their awesome attitudes, especially in the face of adversity!  Today I would like to write about 3 of these people.

I met Kay when I was 18 yrs.old.  She is a middle-aged German woman who always had a smile on her face and a ready laugh.  Young people were attracted to her like a magnet. She was always available to talk to and had good, sound advice for the problems of youth.   I was one of those people that was immediately attracted to Kay.  I wondered how she managed to stay in a good mood…all the time!

ONE DAY Kay told me her story.  She had been married and had 2 lovely daughters.  She and her husband lived next door to Kay’s best friend. Life was going along great until one dark day when Kay found out that her husband was cheating on her…with her best friend.  Not only was Kay heartbroken, she was incensed!

Kay is a strong German woman…emotionally and physically.  You didn’t want to get her enraged!  She took out her gun.  She went behind some bushes and pointed the gun at her best friend.  Kay wasn’t being dramatic.  She was cold, dead serious.  Fortunately she had one sane moment when she realized where this action would take her.  Jail didn’t look too good.  So she pointed it at her own head, once again took a second look at what she was doing (she was a Catholic), put the gun down and walked away.

She then began her journey groping her way out of her gloom.  She lived on a dairy farm and every day she would go to milk the cows, pain and bitterness shadowing her every step.  Through gritted teeth she would murmur bible quotes like, “This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it” or “Rejoice in the Lord always again I say rejoice”!  Slowly, slowly, it began to change her frame of mind. The cloud began to lift!

When I met Kay she was a dynamo of joy and strength.  She had a love for life that was coupled with compassion because of what she had endured and overcome.  Her situation hadn’t changed but she sure had!  I lived with Kay and her daughter for about a year. I learned a lot from her. She was a true example to me of overcoming difficult circumstances through prayer and simple steps of changing one’s attitude.

Then there is Jim.  Ten years ago Jim was a Harley Davidson guy.  His way of life and his habits were quickly destroying him.  One day Jim got into a terrible car accident!

He woke up from it and was not able to move his limbs! Jim was now a quadriplegic.  He couldn’t move anything below his neck except his right hand – and he could only move that a little.

Now, when you go into Jim’s room it is quiet with no movement.  It is usually dimly lit. Jim is laying on his back…and that’s pretty much it.  It kind of gives one the feeling of walking into a tomb.  Silence…stillness…solitude.

But it doesn’t end there.  When Jim starts to talk you begin to see something very much alive!   Jim will tell you, with his eyes sparkling, that he is happier now than he has ever been! It’s really quite astounding!

You see, since Jim had his accident, he became a Catholic. Through one of our Legion of Mary members who came to visit him often in the hospital, he converted. He now uses every ounce of his suffering for his wife (who left him after the accident), the conversion of his children and for the many families who have befriended Jim from our parish. He has many of our pictures up on the wall so he can pray for us all! He has a deep and incredible purpose in his life now and he knows his sufferings are like gold in the Eyes of God, if borne properly!

Physically, Jim’s quality of life had changed dramatically but his outlook is incredible.  Now He has faith, hope and joy.  Interiorly, Jim is a new man!  There are people who visit him and walk away shaking their heads because of the irony of it. When I talk to Jim on the phone I get tingles in my spine, realizing what an awesome guy he is! He is an inspiration to all.

The last but certainly not the least person I’d like to talk about today is someone quite close to me – my husband, Vincent.  Here’s a man who has an attitude with a Capital A.  He told me that he tried to be in a bad mood once, but didn’t like it!

Here’s just a small example.

Our home is unique. It is built with a lot of used material and lumber and rock left over from Vincent’s jobs. It took us five years to get it barely to the point of being livable. It is made up of mostly block and rock and we built it when we had time and money (both of which have a way of not showing up at the same time!) Vincent worked on it after a hard day’s work…..for five long years. The house still had a lot of finishing to do but we finally moved in! Happy Day!!…considering we had been living in a one-bedroom little home with 7 children!

Vincent had finally and painstakingly finished our little Cathedral ceiling. It had sat there with insulation exposed for 3 years. He took some old pickets from a fence, planed them, varnished them and placed them in the ceiling! It was beautiful!

Shortly after, in 2003, we had a fire that could have taken some of our lives!  When the firemen arrived they violently swung their axes into that nice cathedral ceiling!  We gasped! Oh no! Not the cathedral ceiling…we waited so long for it!

They then began to heap the debris up into a pile when Vincent spotted something!  It was his long lost wallet that still contained $500.00.  He pulled it out of the mound, grinned and said a one-liner we’ll never forget, “This is my lucky day!” 😛Virginia's Formal Wedding pics 345

He always amazes me.  It is difficult in this day and age to be the sole bread winner of a family of 13.  I’ve seen him go through some pretty terrifying circumstances.  When the dust settles or even before it does, he rises smiling, looking at the bright side of things, thanking God for everything He has given him! What an attitude!

When my dear husband is gone, he will certainly be remembered by his undying good attitude! Circumstances do not deter him. He knows he is a Child of God and he relies on his Faith to get him through! What a witness he is!

Did you know that researchers have determined that the average person thinks over 40,000 thoughts each day?   Wow!  That’s a lot of thoughts scurrying through our minds.  If we analyzed these thoughts I wonder if we would discover just how much is negative self-talk.  The exciting thing about it is that we CAN change our thoughts and in turn our destiny.  How?

A wise woman once said, “I figure that practice makes perfect!  I know people who, though they did not have a natural knack for music, started piano lessons and practiced every day.  After 2 or 3 yrs. their fingers moved across the keys easily and their music sounded sweeter each time they played.  If you ask them how they do it, they would answer ‘Practice.  I have practiced so much that it comes second nature to me.’  Our life is like that.  If we practice thoughts of joy and thanksgiving it will become easier and easier to have a good attitude, even in adversity.”

I am still practicing and learning these things.  I will always be a student educating myself in the Book of Life. I’m really thankful for the people in my life that have led the way for me and continue to be a tremendous example of the power of an attitude.

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Mothers, know how very special you are. You are the essence, the heart of your home. Your smile lightens the burdens, your words brighten the hearts of those who will be part of your festivities. The tone of this special family time is set by you! We, as mothers, are privileged to have such an important part in the making of our homes! May your day be filled with grace and love! -Finer Femininity

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My Little Story About the Rosary….

07 Sunday Oct 2018

Posted by Leanevdp in by Leane Vdp, Spiritual Tidbits, The Rosary

≈ 9 Comments

Happy Feast of the Holy Rosary! Here is my little story of the Rosary…..

I’m a slow learner.

Sometimes it just takes me a long time to “get” some things.

At the tender age of twenty, the Rosary and the Consecration to Our Lady (St. Louis de Montfort style) was what set my feet on solid ground in a world that spun around me with all sorts of “answers” to life’s problems. And I wanted answers.

My friends were leaving the Catholic Church that was rocked by liberalism and they were going to greener pastures. It was all beckoning to me. The Catholic Church I attended didn’t seem to hold out any answers. I had attended a Catholic School and went to Mass every Sunday all my growing up years. I was involved in youth groups and church choirs. And yet I didn’t know about the True Presence until I was almost 20 years old! There was an emptiness…. but I didn’t know what the problem was.

Then something happened. I went to a few classes on St. Louis de Montfort’s True Devotion to Mary. I didn’t like them but I stepped out in faith and began by saying a decade of the rosary each day (while my thoughts traveled to those naysayers saying  “repetition of words are useless…dumb”….they also said…”IDOLATRY…you can’t pray to Mary”) but I persevered…..And then I consecrated myself to Our Lady…(once again, the horrible doubts and misgivings…) I did it anyway. It was not very comfortable.

I met hubby. We began our courtship and our marriage with the rosary…daily. It was a commitment. It wasn’t wonderful…or beautiful…. It was a commitment.

We had children. Many children. We said the rosary. So often, it seemed fruitless. Life was so distracted, so wrought with the everyday little crosses and duties…but it was a commitment and we stuck to it.

I knew it was a good thing. I knew Our Lady asked for the Family Rosary at Fatima:“I am the Lady of the Rosary. Continue to always pray the Rosary every day.” I believed. I was committed. Hubby was always committed. 🙂

I see now the fruits. I look around at a very crazy world and thank God through tears for what He has given to us…through no merit of our own.

I know that we could have really messed up. We were two people coming from very different backgrounds….both very strong-willed. We made our mistakes…..but we had the Rosary. And we stuck with it, day in and day out, year after year.

A family that prays together, stays together. I know that is not everything. If we have an open heart, the Rosary gives us the graces to make the necessary changes as we need them.Feb. 14, 2014 005-001

The Daily Family Rosary. Steady, Constant. Amid the crosses of daily life with many children, the misunderstandings between husband and wife, the financial burdens…we had the rosary.

When the kids got hurt or sick, when I was very ill, when hubby was in the hospital and we had no money to pay, through tragedies, accidents and fires, when I didn’t understand why God was letting things happen to us…. we were saying the Rosary.

Steady and constant, we prayed it every day, amid slouching kids, tired husband, cranky, pregnant wife.

Thank God for that Rosary. I know my life is not done yet. We still have children at home, children who can….and will….make a lot of mistakes. But for the record, they all (married ones, too) put their Faith first, amid their own struggles. They say the daily Rosary and it will be what holds them together through thick and thin.

If you have troubles, say the Rosary. If, amid your noisy and boisterous family, you are suffering loneliness, say the Rosary. Do you have fears and worries? Say the Rosary. Are your rosaries dry and distracted?…Keep saying it.

Truly, who knows better than Our Lady, Our Mother, our humanness, our failings, how small we are, how distracted we are. She will help. Persevere. Don’t give up.

It is just now that I am beginning more to understand the beauty, the mystery, the  deep, interior, spiritual growth that can take place through the Rosary. Like I said, I am a slow learner.

I am glad that God is very, very patient.

He has given us a very special gift. Don’t take it for granted and don’t go a day without saying it!

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“It is difficult for a child to be better than his home environment or for a nation to be superior to the level of its home life. In fulfilling its double purpose – the generation and formation of children – the home becomes a little world in itself, self-sufficient even in its youngest years. It is vital that you, as a mother or father, make of your home a training ground in character-building for your children, who will inherit the world’s problems. Home is a place in which the young grow in harmony with all that is good and noble, where hardship, happiness, and work are shared.” – Father Lawrence G. Lovasik
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This Advent journal is for busy moms who need a little help making this season special within the home. It will help you stay on track and be consistent with the customs you have decided to incorporate within your four walls.
I have broken it down into bite-sized tidbits that, when laid out for you, will be easy to accomplish. As you check each item off you will get a sense of fulfillment knowing you are getting done what is truly important in this expectant season! The other things will get done….but first things first!
At midnight, on Christmas Eve, when Baby Jesus arrives, you and your family will look back upon your Advent and sigh with satisfaction, knowing you truly have celebrated with the Church, that you have put your best foot forward in making this a spiritual, enchanting, holy time for all!
The first few pages of this book will have a run-down of the special Advent customs and activities that will be on your checklist each day. They are simple, they are doable.
I hope this Advent is more special than ever as we walk hand-in-hand making the Liturgy come alive in our homes!

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Who Is Right?

20 Thursday Sep 2018

Posted by Leanevdp in by Leane Vdp, Charity, Loving Wife

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A repost for Throwback Thursday….

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“Why hasn’t anyone told me this before?”

That is exactly what one woman said at our last Finer Femininity meeting. Our meeting was on the subject of “Who IS right?” when it comes to marital conflict.

It was very enlightening and I wish to pass some of it along to you.

Mr. Eggerichs (from Love and Respect Ministries) explains that when faced with conflict with our spouse, one person is not right and the other person wrong. No, we are just different.

We have different tastes, different preferences, different backgrounds…..we see things from different perspectives. Makes sense, right?

So why do we try so hard to prove we are right when in conflict? We are not talking moral issues here, we are talking about the day in, day out conflicts we have with living so closely, so intimately with someone…..our spouse.

He gives the example of a husband and wife discussing the decorating of the interior of the home. The man wants a big overstuffed leather couch and a display of all his hunting trophys hung in the living room. The woman wants the floral, Victorian couch and loveseat and would prefer not having the trophys in the living room, wanting to decorate with silk flower wreaths and candles. Who is right? Well…neither one is wrong. They just see things through different eyes.

Many of the conflicts we run into each day are just a matter of perspective. Knowing this, we can try to stand back and see his point of view. That doesn’t mean we have to always squelch our own desires, but we need to ask ourselves how important it is for us to push our viewpoint. Sometimes it may be important enough, often it is not.

Mr. Eggerichs also said that when a man and woman are in conflict, the man tends to stonewall (shut down) and the woman tends to move toward the man, wanting to communicate and work it out (oftentimes sounding disrespectful).

We tend to see his reaction of shutting down (I don’t want to talk about it, just drop it) as very unloving. But, and this is the part that was very interesting to learn, research has shown that when a man is in conflict and his heart rate gets to 99 beats per minute or above, he goes into “fight or flight” mode. Instinctively he knows he needs to back off or he’ll attack.

So, ladies, when your husband shuts down and doesn’t want to talk about it, he is actually doing the chivalrous thing. He does not want to fight, so he walks away from it.

“Further research at the University of Washington also revealed that of those who stonewall or pull back during marital conflict, 85% are men, whereas only 15% are women. In other words, women generally move forward to talk so they can resolve the problem. And while you don’t mean to be critical, you can come across that way at times. This criticism is interpreted by your husbands as disrespect, which escalates the conflict for him. Most men will then pull back because they believe it is the honorable thing to do. They know that if they don’t withdraw, they will likely escalate the conflict and may possibly get out of control. This withdrawal feels unloving to his wife who is more verbal and is moving towards him to connect and resolve the conflict. So although he pulls back to protect her, she labels him as unloving. No wonder things get crazy!” – Emmerson Eggerichs

This is important to remember next time a conflict comes up. A husband’s deepest felt need is for respect. During conflict, he needs to feel his wife’s respect. We need to watch our tone, looks, words and actions, that they do not come off as disrespectful, even if we are feeling it.

Does this take work? Is it hard? Is it worth it? Yes, yes and yes!

Remember this: Our Lord never said it was going to be easy. But He did say He is with us every step of the way. Our marriage is the most valuable thing we have on this earth, besides our Faith. So it is worth the struggle to overcome ourselves on a daily basis.

We don’t have to be a doormat….no. We need to be strong and dignified, but we must also give until it hurts. Wives and mothers know this, we experience it regularly.

The men have their own work to do in the relationship but we pray and leave that part up to God. We can only change ourselves.

We will turn to Our Lady and ask her, next time we get upset about something, to first decide if it is important enough to bring up to our husbands. If it is, let us ask for the grace to talk about it at the right time (not when we are tired and cranky), and then, not to come across disrespectful.

Let us ask her to help us to see his side, too, and to realize, if he does stonewall, it is not because he wants to be unloving.

Our Lady, Seat of Wisdom. pray for us!

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“Like a knife, the tongue has a sharp, powerful edge that can either be used to heal or destroy. A knife in the hands of a skilled surgeon brings healing and life, but a knife in the hands of a felon brings death and destruction. Like the surgeon, we can study how to use our mouths to bring life to those around us. But it’s not easy, and the tongue is difficult to control.” – Sharon Jaynes, The Power of a Woman’s Words

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During this crisis we cannot let our emotions get the best of us. We must continue to do our duties…..

 

 

 

 

 

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No More Goodbyes in Heaven

14 Tuesday Aug 2018

Posted by Leanevdp in by Leane Vdp, FF Tidbits, Vocation

≈ 15 Comments

It seems our life has been filled with goodbyes lately….and it has been somewhat overwhelming. So I may be quieter than normal….

We have said goodbye to two very dear priests that have been called elsewhere to serve the flock. Fr. Kodet and Fr. Fromageot are very special. Fr. Kodet has been here the longest and leaves a huge hole in our hearts. He is like a brother to us.

Last days before our priests left:

Father Fromageot’s smile, his singing, his intellectual stimulus and his friendship will be missed!

Our son-in-law, Mike, serving at one Father Kodet’s last Masses in Maple Hill, KS….

Rosie with her nephew, Peter Ignatius.

Our biggest goodbye is coming up! Our daughter, Rosie, an integral and beautiful part of what goes on here will be joining  the Benedictine Convent in Gower. MO the beginning of October!

Indeed, we are happy! But we are also facing the reality of her leaving and this is, and will not be, easy!

Rosie’s teenage years have had their suffering with four years of illness…up and down, up and down.

We said a novena to Father Kenneth Walker, FSSP+ in Advent and, since then, she has had a slow climb up to a more stable physical health.

She has been discerning for some time now. So she will enter in October and we will see how her health holds out. God’s will be done. The novice mistress told her that oftentimes, health improves….sometimes not. The life is rigorous, we will see…

They are almost done building their Church. A lot of their funds have come from their lovely CD’s! From donations, too…

The pictures are from their beautiful website if you would like to peruse it.

Two sisters lead our cow Angel with her new calf Tessie, named for St. Thecla from the martyrology on her “birthday.”

Mother Cecilia washes and kisses the feet of the postulants as they take their place in the Chapter Room for the first time. They then receive the Holy Rule of St. Benedict from her, and an embrace from each of their new sisters, who wish them “Perseverance.”

Please keep Rosie and all of us in your prayers as we turn a new page in this Book of Life!

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The School Bell is Ringing….Are You Ready?

09 Thursday Aug 2018

Posted by Leanevdp in by Leane Vdp, Organization Skills

≈ 3 Comments

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You’re kidding me, right?? But I’m still waiting for the relaxing days of summer vacation?? And it’s almost over?

That’s my feelings this year. It has been a busy summer and I keep waiting for that one week…just one week where we can just drift through…doing nothing!

Anyway, it is time and that is why I am reposting this article. I really don’t mean to get your feathers ruffled!

Actually I love school days, too. The schedule can be a beautiful thing….it’s all in the attitude. So….Let’s Get Ready!

The School Bell is Ringing….Are You Ready?

With school just around the corner and so many responsibilities and things to accomplish, we may get a little nervous on how we are going to pull it all off.

I know, for me, summer time is so full, my days are bursting, that I truly wonder how I am going to “fit” school back in with all its demands.

I find my life goes in spurts. I am organized for a time, then it slips through my fingers for awhile. I have learned not to get discouraged, trusting that, with grace, I will get it together again. So I know what works for me and I know what doesn’t. Floundering does not work. 🙂 It is always good to have a plan.

The following are a few things that help me along the way not to get too stressed. Maybe a point or two might work for you, too.

1. Make your list. If you are feeling overwhelmed you may think that writing it all down will make you feel more burdened. That’s not how it works. When you can get it down on paper, you can sort and prioritize. Those lowest on the “essential” list can be put on the next day so you can slowly work at getting them all done. If you don’t get it done the next day, continue to add it to the next one. Checking each thing off gives you a sense of accomplishment and energizes you!

2. Keep the house picked up. My corners aren’t always great but if you were to walk into my house at a given time, it would be generally clean….unless we decided to go play volleyball instead of doing the dishes right away (priorities, you know. 🙂 )

3. Go to Bed. 🙂 If I can go to bed and get up at consistent hours, it helps a lot. It’s important for the kids to do the same. Summertime is a season of later bedtimes. We loosen up the night time schedule and relax for a spell. It is quite refreshing….for a time.  I notice how much it affects the next day, these inconsistent and later schedules. That’s okay for a while during the summer but you wouldn’t want to do that during school days. So regularity on getting to bed is important.

4. Wake up at a consistent time, earlier than the family, if you can. With the demands of young children, and the lack of sleep that goes with that, this isn’t always possible. At times like those, we need to just offer it up. That being said, nothing helps me more than getting up before everyone else, getting my prayers said, and doing other duties before the family gets up. It gets me started on the right foot.

5. Plan Your Meals! Okay this one I am not very good at but, Wow! does it take the stress-load off!! I have periods in my life when my girls are taking over the meals so it is hard for me to get back in the swing of things when they are occupied with other life things. But it makes such a huge difference! So if you can get it together once a week to plan those meals, DO SO! It will make a positive impact on your week!

6. Get yourself fully dressed first thing, right down to your shoes. This will help you to get motivated to accomplish things right off in the morning.  I also wash my face with cold water first thing in the morning. I started that 2 years ago when we had the drought. It was a waste of water to leave the tap running until it got warm, so the cold water did the job and now I like the “pick me up” it gives me. Try it! 🙂For Always - 2zxDa-b25d - print

So…what kind of things make me feel more organized and on top of things:

!. Number one for me is sticking to my “Spiritual List”, starting with morning prayers and then the other simple spiritual things on that list throughout the day.   If I can check each of those off then I feel like I have accomplished the most important duty and can have the focus and grace to accomplish the other ones that fill up my day.

2. If I haven’t already got an ongoing chore list for the kids (better if it is made the night before) so they know what they should be doing, I make a quick one in the morning for each child. Then everyone knows what they should be doing and you don’t have to have your mind going in all different directions trying to figure out what needs to be done and who needs to do it! The kids are able to tackle their jobs and have the satisfaction of checking it off each time it is accomplished! (Mom….don’t forget to inspect those chores!)

3. Keep the house picked up. (I know, I talked about this already.) Don’t get obsessive about it, especially if you have young children, but periodically through the day get everyone to help with a “pick-me-up”. When you can look at a clean table and a generally clean house, it invigorates and at the same time relaxes you. It’s easier to focus on the next thing to be done.

4. Delegate. Remember, you are the supervisor. Of course, supervisors get their hands dirty, too, but if there is something that you can delegate, do. It helps the children to grow into responsible adults.

5. Don’t listen to negative self-talk. Don’t analyze it, just don’t listen to it. Period. It will bring you down and make you sluggish in accomplishing what you need to get done. Instead, look at your list and do the next thing, say a prayer, grab a book and read it, spend some time with the kids. It’s not worth listening to the rubbish that goes on inside your head.

6. DON’T feel sorry for yourself!! If you have lots to do, thank God for it. He will help you accomplish it….one step at a time. There are many lonely people in this world, many trapped in their addictions, many sad and discouraged because of broken relationships. Learn to thank God for what you DO HAVE and all the wonderful things you GET TO DO each day. Sometimes it just takes an attitude change. He never gives us more than we can bear. Believe it!

7. One last tip….a little self-care goes a long way. When you need a break, grab some coffee and a piece of your Trim Healthy Mama Lemon cake….sit down at the table and  since you don’t want to share it with anyone because of all the expensive ingredients….and they just eat whatever anyway…..put a towel over your head! Surely, they won’t notice?

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“Hospitality is so much more than entertaining-so much more than menus and decorating and putting on a show. To me, it means organizing my life in such a way that there’s always room for one more, always an extra place at the table or an extra pillow and blanket, always a welcome for those who need a listening ear. It means setting aside time for planned camaraderie and setting aside lesser priorities for impromptu gatherings.” -Emilie Barnes. Simple Secrets to a Beautiful Home
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Finer Femininity is a small publication compiled to inspire Catholic women in their vocations. It consists of uplifting articles from authors with traditional values, with many of them from priests, written over 50 years ago. These anecdotes are timeless but, with the fast-paced “progress “of today’s world, the pearls within the articles are rarely meditated upon. This little magazine offers Catholic womankind support and inspiration as they travel that oftentimes lonely trail….the narrow road to heaven. The thoughts within the pages will enlighten us to regard the frequently monotonous path of our “daily duties” as the beautiful road to sanctity. Feminine souls need this kind of information to continue to “fight the good fight” in a world that has opposing values and seldom offers any kind of support to these courageous women. Inside the pages you will find inspiration for your roles as single women, as wives and as mothers. In between the thought-provoking articles, the pages are sprinkled with pictures, quotes and maybe even a recipe or two.
Sunshiny Disposition, True Womanhood and The Heart of the Home During Advent and Christmas…..Available here.

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