Letting go of disordered control is an act of the will and a commitment to trust God with results. Over-commitment is something we need to take a hard look at and learn to let go of things that are hindering us from focusing on our priorities.
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Some points to ponder fromThe Surrendered Wife.

10660175_1005881216110349_5237431374871609545_nHe early on let her know who is the boss. He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, “You’re the boss.” —ANONYMOUS

One of the most difficult things about relinquishing control is that we don’t always know when we’re being controlling. Letting your husband know how little regard you have for his ideas is the most dangerous and subtle form of control.

When you squash your husband’s ideas you are telling him you don’t trust him. Without trust there can be no intimacy. Therefore, one of the keys to relinquishing control is to respect your husband’s thinking.

Your husband may make a pronouncement that sounds silly. He’s human and he deserves the space to think about things, concoct crazy schemes, and make mistakes, just as you do.

We all need the freedom to muse out loud about whatever it is we’re thinking. So, the first step in respecting your husband’s thinking is to let him think out loud without criticizing, laughing at, dismissing, or insulting him.

It’s not as dangerous as it sounds— all you’re really doing is allowing your man to be himself.

Sometimes your husband’s ideas will materialize and sometimes they won’t. But if you trust him —and respect his ideas rather than trying to control what actually comes to fruition— I guarantee that you will be one step closer to fostering intimacy with your husband.

You have the power to choose whether you fight about something for days or laugh about it for years.

Many of us harbor the illusion that when we reject disagreeable thoughts and ideas immediately, those thoughts die and never materialize into actions with unpleasant consequences.

We believe that we won’t have to deal with the financial uncertainty of a job change if we tell him it’s not a good idea.

We think we won’t have to be afraid for our children’s safety if we dismiss his idea of teaching them to ski.

We won’t have to watch our husband suffer and curse while repairing the plumbing himself if we give him “ the look” that lets him we know we don’t think he can do it.

The problem is that when your squash your husband’s ideas, you kill his spirit. When you disrespect your husband’s thinking, he feels rejected. You give him no choice but to believe that you already know what’s best and have complete veto power.

You are letting him know who is in charge: you.

He has that recurring thought, “Why bother?”

And you are left with feeling tired from shouldering all the responsibility.

But this vicious circle can be interrupted.

If you respond to your husband’s ideas with trust, he will feel a new level of responsibility .

If he says he can fix the plumbing himself, and you say, “whatever you think,” he will feel the full weight of the task on his shoulders and probably even some fear.

He will think more seriously about the task before deciding whether he wants to take it on.

The Miracle of Perpetual Dating
Remember how much fun it was to date your husband when you first met? Those glory days return when you surrender control. Every time you go out to eat or to a movie, he takes care of you by paying for both of you and handling any details.

 

Instead of bickering at dinner, you can talk about things that interest you, what you hope for and how you’re feeling. You can laugh together and hold hands, as you enjoy being treated like a princess again.

 

Most of all, you can let him treat you the way he did when you were first dating by letting him know what a nice time you had and thanking him for taking you out. If you do, you’ll enjoy the miracle of perpetual dating for many years to come.

 

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The Cure for The Over-committed

 

Before you take on more work, responsibility or expense, ask yourself if you can really make snacks for the team, head up a committee or work late without causing yourself distress. Will you have to sleep less, speed to be on time or skip out on going to the gym? Then don’t do it.

 

Instead, practice saying these empowering words: “I can’t.” They work just as well when your child’s teacher asks you to volunteer in the classroom as they do when your husband asks you to stop by the dry cleaners on an already too-busy day. They require no further explanation.

 

If you’re thinking, “but that’s not true because I can do it ,” think again. If what you want is to feel good, stay balanced and have enough energy to foster an intimate marriage, you really can’t do it all. Think of the phrase “I can’t” as shorthand for reminding yourself that it’s okay to save your time and energy for you and your relationship.
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We can change the world within our own families. We do not need heroic deeds, exceptional intelligence or extraordinary talents. Every day, our daily duties, our interactions with our family, our living out the Faith in the small ordinary things, will be the thread that weaves the beautiful rug that future generations will be walking upon and building upon….
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