Can This Be Love?
Some weeks ago I had a date with a young man and I fell very much in love with him. But he has never asked me for another date.
I am 21 years old and feel that he is the only one for me. How can I get him to fall in love with me? I see him at various parties and affairs, but he is always with some other girl. This makes me just crazy with jealousy.
Very probably your determination to snare a husband, and your setting your cap for the individual with whom you had a single date, became so clear in your conduct that this particular man lost interest in you.
Men of character do not as a rule care for this “love-at-first-sight” business, whether it be actually put into words or whether it be only manifest in the looks, actions and eagerness of a girl.
No matter how much you may be attracted to a man at first acquaintance, prudence dictates that you exercise a certain amount of reserve.
This adds to your attractiveness and at the same time shows that you have common sense enough not to permit first feelings to rule your conduct and even to sponsor decisions that must last a lifetime.
When you go out with a man, you should remember that, while company-keeping is essentially a proving-ground for marriage, the man does not want to find that the only thing you are interested in is marriage.
He wants to find out what some of your other interests, capabilities, ideals and enjoyments are.
If he catches you mooning over him from the very start, “putting on” in an effort to impress him, acting as if you have not a thought in the world other than that of leading him to the altar, you must not be surprised if he does not ask you for a second date.
If, on the other hand, he finds that you have a rounded personality, that you are a pretty happy sort of person and would be such whether you knew him or not, he is very apt to decide in due time that you are the type of girl he would like to go through life with, and that your love is worth making an effort to win.
Another thing: you are showing signs of great immaturity by stating that this one man is the only one for you, and that you will be forever miserable without him.
You may be miserable, but not because this one man gave you the cold shoulder.
It will be because you have cultivated so few interests in life other than the determination to get married, that no man will give you a second or serious thought.
Take your mind off marriage for a while and try to be natural, to be contented, to be self-sufficient, and you will not be left alone with your dreams.
How to Escape from “Love”
Is it possible for one who has fallen madly in love with another to fall out of love? I am terribly in love with a man.
But I know that my family and friends are right when they tell me that he would not make a good husband because of his obvious character defects and his past.
But what can I do? I love him so much that nothing seems to matter except being with him and marrying him any time he says the word. Is there any cure for this at all?
Yes, there is a cure for this unfortunate situation, if you will permit the intelligence God gave you to take command over your feelings.
Most of the cases in which girls talk about being madly in love, contrary to their own better judgment, are due to too much reading of romantic magazine stories and novels, and too much indulgence in movies that represent love as a flame that cannot be extinguished.
Such stories and movies are an insult to the God-given intelligence of every human being.
They are based on the false principle that a person can do nothing about his feelings except give in to them.
If this were true, we would all be worse off than brute animals, because the latter have instincts to preserve them from harm which we do not possess.
Human intelligence is supposed to save us from harm. These are the steps you must take to overcome the attraction you feel for a man whom you know to be unfit for marriage:
1. Convince yourself that you don’t have to let your feelings lead you around like a donkey on a halter. Cultivate a sense of shame for the very idea that you are helpless because of your feelings.
2. Use the special power, that is a part of your intelligence, of looking into the future. Visualize the unhappiness that will be yours in a very short time if you marry one who lacks decent character and virtue. Think of the shame that will be yours when your own conscience and everybody else will say: “I told you so.”
3. Make yourself acutely aware of the sinfulness of giving in to your feelings in this matter. It is wrong to wreck your life by acting on your feelings when you know this will end in tragedy for you, and will even endanger your immortal soul.
Ask daily for God’s help in following your reason rather than your feelings.
4. Make the sharp and final decision not to see the person any more. Don’t torture yourself by accepting a single date with him after you have made your decision.
Don’t act on the delusion that you can enjoy his company with no intention of marrying him.
5. Don’t pity yourself as if you were terribly abused because this had to happen to you. Everybody has to choose between feelings and common sense at some time or other in life.
Make the choice proudly, as befits one who is the image and likeness of God.
“Every effort we make to forget self, to leave self behind us, and to devote ourselves to the labor of making every person with whom we are bound to live, happy, is rewarded by interior satisfaction and joy. The supreme effort of goodness is,—not alone to do good to others; that is its first and lower effect,—but to make others good.” Rev. Bernard O’Reilly The Mirror of True Womanhood, 1893