The Surrendered Wife: A Practical Guide To Finding Intimacy, Passion and Peace
Remember What Made You Fall in Love
Sometimes the things that we’re most attracted to at first become the things we find most irritating later on. Maybe you think he’s irresponsible now, but at first you enjoyed his great sense of fun.
Perhaps you were impressed with his success in business and now you wonder why you married a workaholic.
Nothing’s changed about your husband but your perspective.
Examine your complaints to see if you can re-frame them as qualities that you delight in. You’ll soon remember what made you fall in love with your husband.
The Law of Nature Works in Your Favor
In marriage, as in nature, water seeks it’s own level. Chances are your union doesn’t defy the laws of nature. That means your husband matches you perfectly. His strengths are the perfect counter for your weaknesses, and vice versa.
Are you dismissing the talents he brings to the relationship because you don’t see them as valuable? If that’s the case, then you’re missing out on one of the biggest gifts of marriage — having reinforcements in the areas where you’re weak, and the benefit of two perspectives.
If you still think your husband is not as smart or capable as you, ask yourself why you married him. Answering that question will remind you that those traits are right before your very eyes, and that they’re there for your benefit.
Intimacy is Knowing You Can’t Anticipate the Outcome
Whenever you anticipate what your husband is going to say or how he’s going to act, you’re not in relationship with him — you are outside of it.
I used to miss a lot of my marriage treading around its edges. I would be afraid he would be angry about something I did and anticipate what I would have to say to defend myself long before I knew if he would really be angry or not.
Now I try to remind myself that I have no idea what my husband will do or say before he does it.
Sure, you may feel safer if you could anticipate everything, but you can’t. Pretending that you can just creates NET (needless emotional turmoil) that stands between you and the intimacy you crave.
Once you stop anticipating, you may be surprised at how different your husband’s words and actions are from what you expected. That element of the unexpected is part of what makes intimacy so scary and exciting.
For A Close Connection, Curb Your Urge to Communicate
You may have heard, just as I did, that the key to a good marriage is to communicate. I figured that if some communication was good, more was better.
I was dead wrong.
Even though I have a degree in communications, trying for years to “communicate” with my husband never got me the connection I craved. Instead, I found that my propensity to talk things out actually worked against me because so much of the time I wanted to talk about what he was doing wrong, or wasn’t doing at all.
Of course John and I still talk a lot — about serious and silly things. But now that I practice surrendering principles, we rarely have to “communicate.”
The result? Our emotional connection is better than ever.
Like Finer Femininity on Facebook