From Surrendered Wife
The Magic of Gratitude
Before I surrendered, I always remembered to complain when my husband didn’t do something he was supposed to, but I rarely remembered to thank him for what he had done. Naturally, he felt that his efforts were invisible, as though it didn’t matter what he did or how hard he tried.
Today, I’m quick to thank him for big and small things alike, even if I consider them his responsibility, such as taking out the trash, driving us home from a late party, or paying the bills. I used to worry that if I thanked him, he would come to see those jobs as optional. Now I realize that expressing my gratitude just lets him know I notice how hard he works, and that I don’t take it for granted.
He does more chores than ever (even the dishes), and seems happy to do them — all because I say thank you.
Marvel at Your Imperfect Marriage
If you’re feeling like you can’t possibly stand to live with your husband’s snoring, laziness or selfishness one more day, spend some time with a single friend to remind yourself what it’s like to be alone.
First there are the little things: No one to snuggle up with in bed, or help you move the heavy furniture.
Then there are the medium things: Nobody to share dinner with every night, help out with the kids or run out for medicine when you’re sick.
And then the big things: Wondering if you’re unlovable, knowing that you’re the only one you can count on, and always being on the lookout for that special someone. I’m not saying it’s better to be with just anybody, but you aren’t.
You married a man you love and respect, and lucky you — you still get to be with him. Hug him tight when you see him next.
‘Tis Better to Receive Graciously than to Reject Gifts
Years ago a friend of mine told me I had the most beautiful hair, and wanting to seem modest, I responded by saying, “Too bad I never do anything to take care of it!” My friend insisted that it looked great just the way it was, but I shook my head as though she didn’t know what she was talking about.
I’ve noticed lots of women have trouble receiving compliments, and not just because we’re trying to be modest.
It makes us feel vulnerable to hear those tender words and so to draw attention away from the compliment we make a joke or put ourselves down. At times I’ve felt undeserving of kind words. When I reject them, however, I also miss the chance to acknowledge the person who’s complimenting me.
This is especially true with my husband, who sometimes says I’m beautiful when I have bed-hair or mascara under my eyes. No matter how uncomfortable I feel taking it in, now I simply smile, look him in the eye and say, “Thank you.”
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