Wonderful books by Fr. Kinsella:
The Wife Desired
The Man For Her

The problem of finances for a married couple is a two-edged 
sword. It is a factor in their lives which can cut to pieces their 
happiness and peace and even their marriage. It can also bring 
them closer together in companionship as they stand as one in 
slashing at the wolf at the door. Through their use of money 
husband and wife can evidence their love for each other or their 
selfishness.773a5e19dfa4002b9013e9e14ec3fe62

It has been stated that money is the root of all evil. Money 
represents the material possessions of this world, the things which 
militate against the spirit and the good in mankind. Because 
money and selfishness are boon companions and because there is 
selfishness or lack of love in all evil, the truth of the statement 
becomes clearer.

Money is a consequence of original sin. We never should have had 
to bother with it except for Adam's disloyalty and fall. We could 
almost say that money in itself is an evil. Yet, out of evil good 
often comes. Christ and Redemption was a good to come out of the 
evil of Adam's sin.

In having to wrestle with the mutual problem of money man and 
wife generally are brought closer together in fighting a common 
enemy. Thus the good of love and companionship is occasioned by 
an evil.

It is a particularly sad thing, when man and wife fall out over 
finances, because the common problem of money easily could 
have promoted their love for each other. The use of money can 
afford limitless opportunities to manifest unselfishness and love 
through their sacrifices for each other.

Thus the question of finances, even poverty, cannot be considered 
in itself a cause of disharmony in marriage. True enough, it is 
listed as one of the common causes of broken homes along with 
fighting drinking, and in-laws. It is so listed, because often it 
comes into the picture of unhappy marriages as a contributing or 
primary cause of their troubles. Yet, it should be realized that 
their finances were not the real cause of their troubles. There was 
a deeper cause. It was the foolish, almost sinful idea, that they 
could have their happiness through themselves and not through 
each other.

Happy married people have the same problems as unhappy or 
estranged married people. The happy ones are still happy because 
they knew that there is no happiness in this world or under this 
world or above this world except through another. Once a person 
seeks her happiness through herself, she is doomed to eventual 
misery along with the person through whom she should have 
sought it. There is no other way of being happy except by making 
someone else happy.

Money is thus truly a two-edged sword. The self-seeking husband 
or wife will cut happiness from under themselves. The couple who 
use their money to promote the other's happiness cut themselves 
in on additional connubial bliss.

Of its nature this book is one-sided. It deals with the wife and 
brings the husband in occasionally only as a necessary distraction. 
So, you see, it is not wholly a man's world.

Because husband and wife must work hand and glove in regard to 
finances, and because family income is primarily a husband's 
responsibility, an exception will be made here in the discussion of 
money matters. At times a struggle was necessary to resist the 
temptation to bring the husband into the picture. Let us give in to 
the one temptation for once.

Many young married couples have made the mistake of assuming 
that they could begin their married lives in the economic 
circumstances of their parents. They forgot that it took their 
parents thirty or forty years to get where they are. And it took lots 
of struggling and sacrifice unbeknown to their little children 
growing up.

The young couple had it nice and easy before marriage. They lived 
in fine homes with all the modern conveniences. They had 
frequent use of the family car. Both worked for several years 
before marriage and thus had a considerable amount of money to 
spend on themselves. In fact, for so many this was a rather selfish 
period in life. A good time and few, if any, sacrifices made up the 
picture.

Then came marriage with all its joys and its responsibilities as 
well. The husband, instead of giving ten dollars a week to his 
parents for board, or nothing at all, now had to pay rent. Food had 
to be bought. Babies were arriving along with outrageous doctor 
bills. Something had to give somewhere. Were they going to 
attempt to maintain the same standard of living they enjoyed 
before marriage? Frequent parties, fine dinners at expensive 
places, numerous and costly gifts freely exchanged between 
relations and friends, and many other luxuries were part and 
parcel of their lives. Were they to continue? Then how would the 
family expenses be met?

The average husband, just getting a start in the economic arena, 
simply cannot maintain his previous standard of living and 
decently support his family to the satisfaction of his 
responsibility.

Over and over again marriages have come to grief because 
husbands have spent too great a proportion of their incomes on 
themselves to the callous disregard for their wives and children. 
The naivete of some of these selfish monsters is hard to fathom. 
With hardly a blush some of them will admit to removing as much 
as twenty-five per cent of their incomes for their own pleasures in 
the form of golf, fishing, drinking, or some other activity unshared 
with the family.

A young woman must be very careful not to give her heart to any 
man, until she is certain he is responsible and unselfish. What is 
his attitude about money? Does he spend the greater part of his 
income before marriage merely on his personal gratification?

Many girls have been deceived into thinking that a young man was 
generous and unselfish, because he seemed to throw his money 
around freely. Many disillusioned wives have had to come too late 
to the realization that he was throwing his money around pretty 
much on himself. The good times which he gave her were good 
times which he gave himself as well, and her good time was 
incidental to his. These characters save nothing for their future 
marriages.

It takes sacrifice to forego present pleasure in order to have the 
wherewithal to begin married life. The man who was unable to 
deny himself by saving for his marriage may rise to the occasion 
during marriage. But he may not. He is a poor risk. His happy-go-
lucky attitude about money is as likely to carry over into married 
life. With a situation like this, heartaches more than 
companionship will be her lot.

The ideal husband made the choice where his real happiness 
rested. He gave up his pre-marriage pleasures as being 
inconsequential in comparison to his new found happiness. He 
cast his lot with his wife and their children. To curb himself from 
previous pleasures, even such innocent and seemingly unselfish 
customs as the exchange of expensive gifts with every relative in 
sight, required sacrifice. The sacrifice was rewarded by a growth in 
love. There was no other way in which love could develop.

The ideal wife was sensitive to her husband's struggle to adapt 
himself to a new way of life, not only because she loved him but 
because she was faced with the same problem of change. She too 
had to forego the pre-marriage butterfly existence of spending 
right up to her income with no provision for future contingencies 
and necessities. She, even more than her husband, was interested 
in saving for the down payment for their new home.

The home was to be her work shop. If it should be inadequate for 
the needs of her family, she would be the one to suffer most. If she 
was pigeon-holed in a cliff dwellers' apartment building, she found 
the confinement of herself and the children nerve wrecking. How 
could she keep an eye on the children in their third-floor flat, as 
she ground out a week's laundry in the dingy basement with an old 
broken down washing machine? Obviously then, she had more 
motive than her husband for putting aside cash for the building of 
a better day.

Yet we meet young wives who are still too immature for marriage. 
One situation occurs to illustrate the lack of an effort on the part 
of the wife to be a real helpmate in this question of money. She 
visioned herself as something of a glamour girl. 781ff1b47619ec47358ac3055c46fbc7Wishing to have 
her pie and eat it at the same time, she wanted to continue her 
night clubbing along with her new married life. Her main objective 
each day seemed to be to rest up for the night's activities. As soon 
as dinner was finished, she was raring to go. Tonight it was the 
Panther Room; tomorrow it had to be the Leopard Room at some 
downtown hotel.

For some weeks the husband made a gallant effort to satiate her 
girlish whims in this direction of frivolous entertainment. Then he 
began to run down at the heels. His work was suffering. Moreover, 
he saw that he could not continue the squandering of money at 
this merry clip.

His first efforts to reason with her brought the rejoinder that he no 
longer was any fun. When he finally put his foot down and said 
that they had to stop the silly business, she became petulant. She 
could not be serious with him. She simply would not bother her 
pretty little head about finances. Did he not love her anymore? 
Had she married a "tight wad?" Then why did he squirm at the cost 
of giving her a good time? A husband should like to show off his 
pretty wife elegantly dressed, well fed, and expensively 
entertained at some fashionable spot.

His exasperation at her immaturity drove them farther apart. Their 
eventual separation could no more be blamed on money problems 
than on the man in the moon. In fact, inasmuch as the word lunacy 
comes from the Latin word for moon, perhaps that man up there 
was her undoing.

She was incapable of real love. She did not have the slightest 
concept of seeking her happiness through her husband. The self-
seeking type of wife could never be a helpmate and companion for 
her husband. If she had not fallen out with her husband over 
finances, it would have been something else.

Although this example of the glamour girl unwilling to settle down 
to marriage is drawn from real life, perhaps it is a little extreme. 
The wives who are unfair with their husbands in money matters 
are more likely to manifest their selfishness by spending beyond 
their husband's income on clothes, jewelry, and perfume. They 
were accustomed before marriage to expensive things. After 
marriage they do not want to sacrifice for their husband and 
children because they have not really learned to love.
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